OKAY

couldn't take it no mo

2008-08-08T06:20:00.001-07:00

excuse my fickleness...

www.waeyo.wordpress.com

IFF

2008-08-06T05:07:00.000-07:00

Water we doing with our lives?

I remember back in maff crass we used to write conditional statements or something. And there was always the distinction between 'if" and "iff". it made sense to me back then but i can't seem to conjure some kind of example like i imagined i would be able to...

But all this talk about if's and if-and-only-if's gets me thinking... about if's and what-if's and what-could-be's and how-it-could-have-ended's.
Why were me and leep trying to sing about the hypotheticals? what's wrong with me these days. I'm like focusing on intangibles, incredibles, inedibles, cain and abels. I catagorize these under "dreaming", which I openly look down upon myself doing, because it's not really "doing" anything. it's almost like worrying about things that I have no control over, because it's like regretting things that I have no control over; twist it anyway you want, you can't take back time to take actions to unregret.
spiral into nonsensical-nonsensities:
but what if you forget, hence wont' regret; but are reminded of what could have been, and then you're back to where you started from (before you forgot that is). and then you realize that you are just better off not thinking about things, but of course you're gonna think about things. not nascar though. nobody thinks about nascar. and then you got your friends talking about things but you're not even interested in that because you got your own little thing going on, which distracts you from the real world. yeah you know what i'm talkin about: hoes, money, cars, shiny things that make you squint under the sun. not school though; i don't daydream about class--ever. but i dream, and dreams confuse me because i see people that i haven't seen in a while. why does that happen? is god trying to say something? speaking of god...

i think my bio gsi is a Christian... or a crazy agnostic. we always go into complexities of organisms, or physiology, cells, regulation... and she always says, "somebody has thought of that for you already..." That's straight up blasphemy in any science context; the idea that there is "somebody" that has designed the complexity of life, and that it hasn't been formulated randomly by billion years of chance. i randomly come to appreciate it a lot. it is rather complex, and i feel that the more i learn about the way things work, the more convinced I wil be that it had to be created...

why is it 5am. I'll tell you now: i'm crazy i tells you.

rally

2008-08-05T02:06:00.001-07:00

meaningless! meaningless! utterly meaningless!

i feel it sumtimes.

or go home

2008-07-29T19:32:00.000-07:00

I haven't given it a lot of thought, but just from reading my last post I guess I was pretty devastated, but I think I'm gonna do the opposite of what I said I would. No sacrifices; I have been allocating my time pretty poorly, but other things (particularly things that I find productive) should not suffer because of that. So I'm gone gonna keep doing what i do. Just gonna go harder with everything.
_______________________________________________________

"don't sleep".
various meanings to this axiom; all of which hold true for everything:
school life love.

im sad now

2008-07-28T01:59:00.001-07:00

Maybe I really need to reassess some priorities...
cuz I'm about to get owned tomorrow.

Soliloquy

2008-07-24T03:36:00.000-07:00

Don't know much about Korean names,
but I thought it'd be neat to name my son Cho SunWon,
and my grandson to be Cho SunSun, the chosen son of the chosen one.

Just think about that recently reminded me back-in-the-day when I was like in elementary school. I used to plan out my life every night before I slept. You see... if I'm not exhausted it takes me nearly forever to sleep. If I start thinking about a lot of things, then it's almost damn near impossible. It was worse when I was younger. I used to think about things like what to name my kids; the places I would like to live when I grow old. Yeah, little kids are really retarded.
Anyways, the whole point of all that was that dreamers are kinda dumb if they are not do-ers. I remember that from watching Rudy, which was an awesome movie played by Sam-Wise Gamgee. Needless to say, old habits die hard. I still bite my nails like I did when I was younger, and I still think about mundane things that will bear almost no significance in the future. But yeah, I'm working on the "actions speak louder than words".

Oh yeah, also, I have to stop being so stupid. I think that I am the male equivalent to a ditsy blonde (pardon the redundancy). I think I give people the impression that I am incapable of processing information. I think it's due to my oversimplified (and often irrelevant) answers to questions (mostly posed by myself). Anyways I dont know. Maybe I should start being "cool" and just not talk. All the cool kids are doing that and it seems to have gotten them pretty far..

So in conclusion... girls drool.

Step into my office.

2008-07-23T01:17:00.000-07:00

So this has been my study station for the past week: a whiteboard on a fedex box on the couch in front of the tv (i like prepositions). I like.

I don't know what I'm doing, I have a buttload of work to get done. I'm doing my best to cease complaining about school; i guess there are people out there that will see my woes as if i were complaining having too much money. So. yes. I'm thankful that I don't get to sleep a lot. Especially tonight.

Here's a cute picture of my roommates:

Are you eternal or an eternalist?

2008-07-21T01:46:00.000-07:00

I have 88 posts, 56 published (89/57 now).

I don't want to post anything really right nwo because i'll sound psycho.
my brain is firing at a bajillion thoughts/second.

as soon as we showed up i sensed nervousness.

saturday morning (for me)

2008-07-19T14:02:00.000-07:00

i sit in front of the computer a LOT when i'm studying.

consequently, i find myself on this thing every idling moment.

i'm consistently inconsistent.

i'm also starting to get sad about my exam coming up.

i got a new phone and i've been taking a piss load of pictures, maybe i'll have a new picture every post. very ambitious, i know.

rife stluggle.

2008-07-17T01:53:00.000-07:00

sleep. yeah it's for the birds. let's just try to maintain.

I feel like I've become socially degenerate, which is kind of odd. Not that I only wish to talk about boobies and video games (iwish), but that I really don't try anymore. Even beyond that, I don't consider trying--it never crosses my mind. Complacency is poison.

Summer school is starting to give me a taste of how bad life can get. Not because I'm a pessimist, but Monday was just hell. Days are just too long, and the work is too intense. It's almost deathly to me, even though I can see an end to it. Imagine if work becomes like that; there usually isn't an end to work. Then Dick and I were imagining how it'd feel to come home and see your wife just loungin' and watching tv, and the kids are crying and the house is a mess and you pull a "i go out every day and bust my balls to support this family and you couldn't even clean the house", and she'll pull a "you don't understand..." blah blah blah. lol. And then... DOMESTIC ABUSE. lol I kid. I have prettier euphamisms: household accountability.
Iono, it's just scary feeling like you don't have time to do anything. i wanna marry into royalty then i dont' have to do anything.

i kid.

SO

2008-07-14T01:54:00.000-07:00

So today, I met somebody that looked like somebody. And I decided just now to write something about it.
I can't really say who because 1. I'm too embarrassed, and 2. it's irrelevant. But you remind me of a girl that I once knew. Pretty eerie... just at certain angles, the face is so familiar that I almost feel that I have the personality figured out. It's not the way she smiles or cries, it's the way that she looks down around her feet with familiar contemplation that I had come accustomed too. Right when I saw it, I was like... alright.
Weird huh. Even more so is how comforted it made me.

I wonder if I'm sleeping tonight.

So to recap: I am developing psychotic tendencies, finding attachment to strangers that I've never met before, and I liked it.

and

I want to be good at stuff.

Ambivalence

2008-07-13T03:17:00.000-07:00

Which is better:

To overcome weakness

or

To not have any weaknesses to begin with

?

I'm blindly a homer for this argument. Problem is, I find myself at a different one of both places.

Homesick.

2008-07-12T11:18:00.000-07:00

I didn't think it could be done. I live 30 minutes away from home.

Well, I don't think I miss the home--just the people, the possibilities. I cherish how auspicious a day full-of-nothing can feel. Loungin'....

Anyways, it's because I have gay friends that don't wanna come an visit. So I guess it's not my fault. But then again, if they came, I'd just be studying and make them sit here and watch tv or something, so maybe it would be my fault again.

I just think the company would be nice. the famm the famm!

And then there was Leah...

2008-07-10T01:47:00.000-07:00

Summer school is killing me. Sleep deprived, petrified, mortified... etc. But it could be worse. When given lemons... well, I'm learning.

Today I was thinking about death. Don't let that sentence mislead you because it was far less morbid than I just made it out to be. I was sitting at my lab bench examining my skin because my GSI was being so boring and talking about ... haha i'm not even gonna pretend that I know. Anyways, I found a white hair stubbling on the cute mole on my forearm and it just sent my mind flying... Like what if I got skin cancer... and eventually I died. I remember on ESPN some guy had a tumor in his stomach the size of a football that he had NO idea he had; the doctors told him he was going to die and he just finished high school.
One time Dave told me he had a dream of me dying in a car crash, and that sent me down thinking about death too. Today was a similar experience. So I'm thinking about how it'd be if I didn't live long enough to have kids, get a family, etc. I guess I'd be pretty devastated. It's hard to imagine it, so it's hard to feel sad. Anyways, I started to worry for a bit because SKIN CANCER >>>>>> BIOLOGY CLASS, and all of a sudden trying hard in school didn't seem so important anymore; pretty funny, considerring that I was sitting through our GSI lecturing.

my thoughts are very unorganized, but the information all ties together; if you were to outline it and catagorize its relevance with colors, I'd be writing you a picture, my friend.

It's funny that I felt that it would suck to die becuase I wouldn't be able to have a family. For some reason, I feel entitled to being able see that "eric beget ---something" whoever/whatever it may be. Never Eric and Kate Plus 8... becuase 6 of those children will be given up in adoption; I am a cold and heartless baby making machine. Anyways, I remember hearing that as Christians, it is never right for us to expect that our lives would be any better than others. Even if I were somehow a half-decent person, and maybe a fraction of decency of that a Christian, it is still wrong for me to expect God to reward me with anything worldly--family included.
I say this now because I just got back from prayer meeting, and we listened to a Tim Keller sermon dealing with exactly that. EXACTLY THAT. I guess you can say it's coincidence, but I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in love. Above all things Love.

Funny.

Anyways, I'm so tired right now and my eyeballs are shaking from wheel'dness. Happiness is a state function, but it's best to find joy in the path that brought you there also.

and
I have to stop feeling that I deserve certain things because I'm just gonna get rocked and receive cancer. But maybe it'll make me cuter, I hear girls dig guys that ... have cancer. Nevermind.

and my new apartment is quite rovery.
Leep is always singing and reading and writing and playing guitar.
Josh is like mom. The good kind of mom.

^.<

2008-07-02T01:22:00.003-07:00

nKoOutsider: im really sick of dumbass girls complaining about asshole boyfriends

chotoy: yeh

nKoOutsider: and then like they dont give nice guys a chance cuz they are too nice

nKoOutsider: im just like wtf?

nKoOutsider: girls are just stupid

nKoOutsider: but god damnit eric

nKoOutsider: they are so damn beautiful

I was actually gonna write something instead of this but i forgot what it was.

Lord WIllin

2008-07-01T02:19:00.000-07:00

I guess I haven't written much during the summer, but what can I say?

When I was growing up; when our family lived in Park Merced and my mom took me to Golden Gate Park everyday after we dropped off Misoo at school, I wanted to be a cowboy.

When I was at Monte Verde Elementary school, I loved to run around and catch bugs and snakes and try to raise them at home (always failed). I imagined that this is what a veterinarian did, so when they asked me what I wanted to be, that's what I said.

When I grew a little older, and started getting sucked into "success", I decided I wanted to be a lawyer because it sounded important. I thought I would just have to go to trial and stand there.

Now that I'm old and wise. I dont' even know what I'm going to do tomorrow--let alone what I want to do. Indeed. Let's just aim for joy.

hhh

NO!

2008-06-21T05:04:00.000-07:00

Like ice-cream to fat chicks, my summer seems to be gone. Back to school.

I guess you can call it a lesson learned

2008-06-15T04:11:00.000-07:00

At the RSF, there is an unwritten, unofficial--yet official--way of calling for games of basketball. It's an honor system; whoever called next gets next, the gentleman that calls after, after, and etc. I suppose it would make sense to use a sign-up sheet, but then that system will mostly likely end up being abused.

No matter how long you're there, if you don't say a thing, you won't be playing. You can be shooting around for hours, and somebody will arrive, speak-up, and they'll be in the next game. Nobody "cuts", nobody really even thinks about it; it's something that transcends courtesy (respect, maybe, decency, maybe).

Actions speak louder than words... most of the time.

PREASH

2008-06-05T00:36:00.001-07:00

So these past weeks have been great... off the top of my head:

1. I was able to act a fool at Chez Panisse.
I really don't know etiquette and stuff seeing that I've never been to a nice restaurant. I didn't even know how to spell the restaurant name; in my novice excitement I texted my sister: "I'm going to eat at Che Penis!"

2. I finally ate at house of prime rib.
I have never been so happy at a dinner before, because A) It was house of prime rib; and B) It was a transpo dinner. I rub transpo... hahd. I ate all my fewd and I even got a second slice--even though it was hella small. Beautiful times/conversations.

3. I saw people graduate and get sad about leaving.
You will be missed.

4. I was able to visit South City heads (finally) in Irvine.
I got made fun of for a while because I was under the impression that not-driving south would be alright because I was banking on public transportation. I still can't believe socal has such a decrepit public transportation system.
I bummed around campus and it was pretty fun.
I can't imagine going to school in Irvine.

5. I attended Sunday service at the biggest Korean church i've ever been to in my life.
On Sunday, I went to Sarang with Danear. I was blown away by how big it is. They had a cafe...

6. I met a lot a close friends!
I love seeing people in their natural habitat. People that are really hospitable and go out of their way to pick-me-up (lol, i'm such a bum), and drive me around and entertain me... truly appreciated. A lot of good conversation; a lot of long conversations; edifying, entertaining, yes. OH yes, and I learned a lot of secrets; don't get it twisted with gossip, we talking about secrets.

7. I went to Magic Mountain!
Again! and it was still fun! in your face.

8. I attended KCM Open-Chapel
Even though I'm not a member of KCM I really enjoyed open-chapel. I remember the message... or whatever I could salvage from my mind: Intimacy takes ____ (something), sacrifice, consistency, and Jesus Christ. Word.

All in all it was a good run, and yet... it's just begun.
Reflection eternal.

Deserve better

2008-06-04T16:11:00.000-07:00

name of the game;
summer ain't lame.

fly or die

2008-05-25T22:01:00.001-07:00

sine qua non

the only latin i learned in high school.
summer is pretty boozie, even though it hasn't really picked up yet. I don't even know what that means.

Feeling fickle.

Chummer

2008-05-23T01:58:00.000-07:00

I'm alive.
I'm trying to go to socal next week to bother the people down there.
I'm home right now and it's a reflection of what home is going to be like: everyone's going to be busy because they are still in school. I think I'm going to get back to Berkeley asap!

I just woke up from a crazy long nap. I'm bored.

Already One Year?

2008-05-20T06:09:00.000-07:00

What's good.
I think that this past week I've gone through several emotion-cycles.
Happy/sad/no-joy/joy. it's a lackofsleep, trying not to stress combo.
Anyways, I'm good right now.

This time last year, I had two finals that fell on the same day: Math 1A
and Chem 1A. I was kinda retarded so I decided to put all my eggs in one
basket and I just studied for Math, which worked out pretty well, but I
ended up getting a 33% on my Chem final. It was pretty bad. I learned an
important lesson that year, which was to never be that retarded again.

Today, I take three finals in one day. 1 whatever's one, and 2 core science
courses. I'm ready to break history. The heart is willing, but the brain might
not be. [but the flesh is soft.... and bruised].

Lesson of the day: I didn't learn a lesson.

p.s. thought about it, and iunwanna use the computer so much during the
break.

2008-05-17T16:41:00.001-07:00

hah i'm such a prolific blogger when i sit in front of my computer 20 hours a day.

just 2 quick thoughts:
1. I am totally owned by caffeine.

2. Sad thought; I started getting excited because last year's seniors are starting to come back to visit for graduations. Granted, I don't know that many, but I would consider myself to know enough of them well enough to get excited about them coming... dono if that made sense, but made me wonder how well it'll translate next year. take it as you may.

Go hard or go home

2008-05-17T04:18:00.001-07:00

I think I'm screwed.
You seem to learn a lot about people during finals season because you see some people at their very worst; high-strung, no-fun. It's cool though. Slowly learning how to maintain morale despite the obstacles. Be nice around these times, the little things are so important to others. I have commissioned you guys, I guess I should follow-through myself eh.

the sun, son.

2008-05-16T11:23:00.001-07:00

I sweat really easily.

I'm trying to practice how to walk to minimize energy put out (or is it work? effin' physics), because I sweat just trying to walk to class on a normal day...

At least I don't smell bad. ^_^ i probably do.

word?

2008-05-14T22:39:00.000-07:00

[22:23] nKoOutsider: im really sick of dumbass girls complaining about asshole boyfriends
[22:23] chotoy: yeh
[22:23] nKoOutsider: and then like they dont give nice guys a chance cuz they are too nice
[22:23] nKoOutsider: im just like wtf?
[22:23] nKoOutsider: girls are just stupid
[22:24] nKoOutsider: but god damnit eric
[22:24] nKoOutsider: they are so damn beautiful

Dave the bard.

cute

2008-05-14T02:37:00.000-07:00

I love Berkeley.

I love nerds, and nerd love. I've mentioned this before to some people. (disclaimer for the sake of redundancy).

For example, there is this guy in one of my classes that i had to do a group work with. Nerd. Not to be mean, the guy was a g. but alas, a nerd.
but then i saw him on campus with his nerd counter-part girlfriend. holding hands, and they was laughing. all i can say is, that's tight.

it makes me happy to see that there really is somebody for everyone.
i gotta hand it to him. homeboy has a girlfriend. more than i can say for myself.
but i ain't gon trip, i'll fall for someone.

did u catch that last pun.

p.s. summer break starts may20.

S.S. Minnow Johnson

2008-05-10T02:49:00.001-07:00

When I get married I hope my wife can cook spam,
becuz spam is so delicious.

eric.

2008-05-08T03:45:00.000-07:00

talked to my counselor about my future
asked what i should do
told me to pursue my interests
and there's no way to lose

so later that day im on my way
wise words heavy on my heart
then i see an opportunity
and i go up to her and say

YOURE PRETTY FINE.

then i woke up.

i'm not a poet. nor am i a romantic.

It's Like Cake

2008-05-06T01:37:00.001-07:00

not that it's easy. But it's literally, "like cake".

When I get together with my friends--usually sophomores in FiCB--somebody almost always brings a cake that they baked. The point isn't that it is a particular person that made it or that it was delicious, or that it was something that all women should aspire to create... the point is the illustration that is made: a cake in a party.
When nobody eats it, nobody notices. Except the person that made it.

But there are always that person that is hella full. People that--despite the calorie intake--eat. Why? Because that is love.

Soo Tired

2008-04-30T05:12:00.000-07:00

I can't sleep.

Kinda hoping people would come online and talk to me.
but it's late and that's doubtful. So I guess I'll talk to me self.

Next semester I'm not going to be living with my sister. I'm kind of scared that I'm going to be a bad roommate. I am struggling a lot learning how to listen more and speak less. I'm struggling with learning how to not do the things that shouldn't be done. The stupidest things can bother me and I always fuel it by entertaining the idea of not holding-back.

I hate caring what other people think. Ironic that I write that.

I hate laying down in bed in the middle of what should be a busy day because it's so comfortable. And I hate waking up feeling miserable and enslaved to sleep.
I hate hating cause I hate haters. And since I'm a hater of haters, I hate myself; reflexive property (do your math). But most importantly I hate hippies because they are the most self-righteous haters of all. This is important because hippies smell bad, don't forget this, it'll be important when you encounter one. I hate wanting to scream but settling for a muffled dinosaur cry, because I am secretly a dinosaur and I don't want people to know. Oh, I hate secrets, and whispers and inside jokes, because they are just so damn funny it's not fair. I hate nice guys for pitying themselves for finishing last, and mean-guys cause they are mean. They don't realize that funny-guys finish first. Mean guys are mean because they think it's cool to be mean, which means they think it's cool to hate. As a hater-hater, I hate that. I hate standing in line, driving in traffic, and commercials.

On any given day, I love all these things for the very same reasons.

I spiraled into a good rant there. Let's sleep. ^_^_^_^_^_^_^

noice

2008-04-29T01:23:00.000-07:00

Shaved tonight for a the first time in a while; I started getting lazy and using an electric shavy these past weeks. I was rushing through, so I cut myself badly like 5 times. lol sucks. Anyways, putting on aftershave was like a glimpse of hell: all the burning without the weeping and gnashing of teeth. I use "cheap" aftershave when I shave at night, but the smell threw me back into 5th grade.
I remember when we completed Sex-Ed at Monte Verde (5th grade), as a "graduation present" they gave us deodorant. It was the Old Spice High-Endurance one; the one in a red bottle and the deodorant is deep-blue. It looks like a sapphire or something; to me, it was just as precious lol. Haha, even though we didn't have any hair on our armpits my friends and I just started caking it under our arms. We smelled like men. Manly men. And then my friend's sister who picked us up told us we smelled like her friend. Then we felt more like men.

I can't tell you anything about US History that I learned in 5th grade - only that I learned it, but I remember this.

Prayers always get answered in the most obscure ways.

I got my class ring today!

2008-04-22T01:57:00.002-07:00

My personal inscription:

"9 5.5"

i am too embarrassed to tell you what it means. some might understand.

It went

2008-04-20T15:17:00.000-07:00

I had a crazy week.

Felt kinda weird and crappy the past couple of days,
and i've concluded that it wasn't because i was menstruating.

but good to know.

Boy Meets World is highly underrated.

2008-04-15T14:25:00.000-07:00

You do your thing and I do my thing.
You are you and I am I.
And, if, in the end, we end up together, it's beautiful.

Summer vacation sounds so good right now. So peaceful.
I don't want Vietnamese doggy.

3 hours.

2008-04-13T17:59:00.001-07:00

i have 48 hours.

things pansy girls do:
1. give up
2. sleep

I'M A MAN

2008-04-10T00:55:00.001-07:00

it's almost one (i promised myself that I would resume studying at 1:00... give or take 10 minutes).

I like to give and take.
I've been isolating myself a lot these days in order to get a lot of work done. I miss people. I get drawn to the library so that I can see familiar faces, but I guess it's not really midterm season anymo. And I get ronery.

OUTY5000

2008-04-07T04:03:00.001-07:00

I am ready to kick some book-ass.

Real

2008-04-03T02:35:00.000-07:00

I have a midterm soon.
I am talking to David (Wang) right now. ... which brings me to...

I remember when I was just a young lad at Monte Verde Elementary school I bought Pokemon Blue. I remember holding it at Target at Serramonte; before the big one moved into the former-Montgomery Wards. I swear, at the time it felt like touching salvation, I wouldn't let it go. I remember I had gone there previously, and all they had left was one Red version. I know, ew, Red. It was sitting all by itself on the top of the display case. All the Blues were sold out. I had to hold-out and wait for it. I remember I went with my Dad.

I love how when you're little, the things you want the most are the simplest things. Now, it's not just a matter of patience and begging.
Kid-life>>>Grow-Up-life. But all this means nothing to me: Thugg-life.

smodnar

2008-03-31T02:47:00.000-07:00

me an my cousin watch rambo first blood part I probably 2 times. we've seen the escape from prison scene maybe 20 times. on my birthday he took me to see the new rambo movie (iv?). badass. but the movie was mediocre at best.
pictures are fun. nobody really takes pictures of times that sucks balls so looking back at pictures only revisits good memories. then you get hit with maudlin nostalgia; i'm too man to cry though, so sissies always cry extra much to make up for me.
misoo needs to marry some kind of millionaire so that i can... you know, mooch. good thing she'll never read this.
i really like my t-shirt. it's a t-shirt from canada that my uncle bought me. it looks like it's tye-dye, but of course it's not cause i never wear flamer-gear. anyways there are wolves on it. it's pretty dope i must admit. my sister hates it but her taste in fashion raises eyebrows so i don't trip.
i really liked church today.

Probably the year 2004

2008-03-28T05:56:00.001-07:00

Ah damn I totally owned myself tonight. I can't sleeeeeeep T_T_T_T_T__T.

ahahaha story time, I suppose.

God has a serious sense of humor.
One of my favorite (very very short) stories of all time is one at KFBC involving Dave and this girl from Y.G., Michelle (Chang). To truly appreciate it, you kinda have to know both people involved, so in a sad attempt for me to make you see it 'how i do', I shall delve into some character development. So a bit about Dave; Dave is a jerk--oh, a funny one at that. Ok, I think we're good. Oh yeah, Michelle is like... 6 years younger than us (so she was probably like 10 for this setting).
Anyways, Michelle was playing with a balloon (filled with helium) in the courtyard of KFBC, and Dave was just chillin there. Naturally, he sees her playing with her damn balloon and he starts getting annoyed. Yeah. So he was happy to see her lose control of it and watch it fly away into the sky. Then he goes and says, "hah! let's see you God save you now!" And would you believe it, right then and there the wind blows and the balloon hovers right in front of her and she just swoops it back. Then she smiles and runs away.

Now that's wassup.

Damn when I can't sleep I just toss and turn thinking of the most morbid stuff. I caught myself slipping though so I just hopped out.

Wake yo daughter up.

2008-03-27T01:29:00.000-07:00

I don't know why, but my mom likes to tell me important things when she's on her way out to work (at 8:30AM, so keep in mind, I'm sleeping 99% of the time she does these things). She always says what's on her mind and I always say retarded things that make her laugh (and leave me alone).

BIG SIGH

2008-03-25T01:44:00.000-07:00

Spring break.

you got hops you got ups, yeah you get that high.
shaking in my shewzies yes im left on the floor.
why i mention flying by, cause you ain't down no mooooo.

SQUALLAY let's go back to berkeley and study.

One Mic (pls)

2008-03-17T03:15:00.001-07:00

So I found this in my photo album and I remembered that I was in my high-school newspaper once. I forgot why I even got published in it; I literally spent 10 minutes to write this, and took 2 minutes to brainstorm. Reading what I wrote a second/third/fourth time, I--the man, Eric Cho--can only shake my head in shame at the boy, Eric Cho. haha. For one, I have no idea what the hell I was thinking; a simple borrowed line from Family Guy and temporary indignation had a bastard child, and my article was born.

I wrote so vehemently about book bills because I was charged 50 dollars for some stupid AP US History workbook that I turned in. Haha, I was on the verge of not being able to graduate because I refused to pay the bill. Then my teacher cleared the bill for me and I felt like the man. Eric: 1, the system: 0. I was up. Every time I revisited this memory, I basked in my glory remembering that one day when I was wrongfully accused and I stood up for myself and won.

I was cleaning my room over the winter break and I found the workbook. I guess I didn't turn it in.

Travel at your own pace

2008-03-16T00:38:00.000-07:00

So this past week, my voice has been pretty groggy. I don't know why, I think it's because I sat next to some rude Asian dude in class that was coughing up his stupid pathogens on me. I don't understand why those people come to class; maybe they are trying to raise the curve or something. If that's the case, he should of sat next to somebody else. Anyways, consequently my voice in person and on the phone has been pretty raspy... and really really unbelievably sexy-sounding. what can I say? I have mono.... ? let's share drinks! jk i don't think i have mono. we can kiss now.

I'm pretty sure there are other more important things going on in my life, but I can't come to think of any of it.
I wish I still took pictures of stuff, cause then people can start being jealous of my life again. They just pity me now.

-Y.Society

I never sleep, cuz sleep is the cuzin of death

2008-03-11T02:59:00.000-07:00

man i ain't even gonna lie,
i had some scary ass dreams last night.

Can We Go Back

2008-03-10T03:22:00.000-07:00

i write at night when it's all crazy and nonsenseny.
this past week has been such a blur that i didn't even take time to reflect what i just did with my life.
today was my friend's birthday. I feel like I've failed him in a lot of ways.
This time around last year... so much was different. Two out of the three of us had girlfriends. Now we're pretty pathetic. (lol). They would come up here and we'd kick it. I'd go back home to kick it. We'd find a soccer ball and yes, we'd kick it. I think I could easily have said that I know him. Now I don't even know what's going on.
But I'm not too worried. These things always come around. Blood runs thick, Dave.

-Hi-Tek

Tomorrow.

2008-03-04T04:59:00.000-08:00

One night when I was feeling really powerful, I wrote down on my notepad:
"Me today is who I wanted to be yesterday,
and jealous of who I will be tomorrow".

the sun will rise
and the sun will set.
pray hard shekks.

2008-02-29T07:02:00.000-08:00

I'm too happy to be stressed. But happiness can't protect me from being screwed. lol. there goes a sad "lol".

no stress no mess!
but ah! my bloody chest!

I'm eating Raisin Bran. There are too many Raisins in this cereal.

I'm really lonely because I've been online alone for a while now.

Hello New World.

2008-02-23T14:53:00.000-08:00

So back by a singularly popular demand, I have decided to write a lil' somethin while I'm in the library. I guez.

Yesterday, I resigned (ok, I quit) from the only place that was willing to employ me after 4 months of job-searching. More like, I was about to get fired, so I quit before it could happen. Yeah, I just been getting murdered this semester with time and time management because of classes. But you live and learn and then... you rub.

I think that studying for exams is highly underrated and unappreciated. In fact, in my private moments at home, I romanticize about being productive and about back during finals season "when life was..." But of course, it's seasonal. When in Rome, do as the Romans do; when in summer, live as the fickle and unambitious do, and when in school, do as the Asians would ("Asians" being synonymous with "Berkeleyians"). So yeah, pardon me for caring about my state of mind. Coffee is my best friend, and like I like to put it (like a metaphor), Coffee drinks me to stay up at night. Lies.

So anyways, if you dind't bother reading, here is a one-sentence summary of what I just said:
My life is better than that of the average starving child in Africa, and for that, I am thankful.

-CLIPSE

Thieves in the Night

2008-02-12T23:33:00.000-08:00

so...............
I should be doing a lot of things. Should. Should, should should. Story-o-me-life, eh? BUT NAHHHHH...

I was walking to the library and this guy walks past me. He was walking funny, but I'm sure he didn't have any physical impairments because if he did, then that's just messed up to mention it on my behalf. But then again, the horror of being "messed" has never stopped me from much. I thrive off of other people's flaws [for the sake of humor!]. Terrible. I have acknowledged (too) many times before, that this has to stop. I want to be nice! "Eric, you are so nice!" Yeah, Iunno, it doesn't roll off the tongue as nicely as "you are so weird". But I suppose people can learn how to adjust, because that's life.

I finished reading a novel today for the first time since summer school. I didn't like it until the end, because I realized that a track from Blackstar that I really like was based on this novel, (Song: Thieves in the Night, Book: The Bluest Eye). I have to write about it, which I will do shortly. I hope nobody from my writing class is reading this and steals my idea. Then I'll have to go off on them like Matt Damon in a Hahvahd bar about being original.

Anyways, Blogging in the Library is kinda lame; it's just an excuse to not do Physics... or Chem... or to succeed in life. Adieu.

-Mos Def and Talib Kweli are...

2008-02-09T03:26:00.000-08:00

easily swayed, but not easily played.
eyes stay weary, but feelings don't fade.

Ambitonz Az a Writah

2008-02-06T22:12:00.000-08:00

I have about 15 minutes to write something.

I'm too busy (selfish) looking out for myself to engage in any additional relationships that may require me to sacrifice.
I get money,
I get time,
I get education,
I get it.
Yeah, but I figguh that I can't be like this... I shouldn't be like this.
Last semester I was content with it, but as always, the charade is getting old. Too bad for me.
Sacrifice. We talking bout Sacrifice.

laughoutloud, valentine's day.
good-day. tootaloo~ [this took 5 minutes]

Matthew

2008-02-01T02:27:00.001-08:00

Your yoke is easy, and Your burden light.

I know the answers, but I can't get there.

speechless

2008-01-27T00:07:00.001-08:00

I woke up early on my born day, I'm twenty years of blessing
The essence of adolescent leaves my body now I'm fresh in
My physical frame is celebrated cause I made it
One quarter through life some God-ly like thing created
Got rhymes 365 days annual plus some
Load up the mic and bust one, cuss while I puffs from
my skull cause it's pain in my brain vein money maintain
Don't go against the grain simple and plain...

(ok, doesn't really encompass me, but)
-Nas

YouMY

2008-01-23T23:26:00.000-08:00

Since school started I have lost all desire to tell everyone about how great I am. I can barely get myself to write this very sentence that you are reading right now. now.
Being busy allows me to push off things that would otherwise bother the crap out of me when my mind is idle. My mind was idle over the break, so I'm kinda crossing-over to the can't-stop/won't-stop (bad boy for lyf) mindset. Quoting a young 'drew Kim: "I don't want to think about these things anymore."

My mosaic

2008-01-18T02:47:00.000-08:00

just a few.

REFRESHING

2008-01-17T02:14:00.000-08:00

I'm back from my sabbatical from my sabbatical.
Anyways, let's blast.
First up, FOODS.
Now, I love eating and I love food. I'm all for getting fat from eating and then crash-dieting because you're so upset at how your stomach jiggles. My sister loves food. She's a gourmand; a bourgeois one at that, and she doesn't hesitate to drop a bill for the bill. Yeah, I'm not like that. I am down to eat out and pay a hefty fine for it, but I don't think it's fun. I pay for the food; ambiance, dinner-setting, center-pieces, and all miscellaneous faggotry (keke) are irrelevant to me. For this reason, I will take pho, a burrito or chinese food over a zagat rated restaurant. Anyday. I was hanging out with my cousin and his friend the other day, and he said it best: if you are visiting a city and you want a good place to eat, you ask the brokest-looking chocolate on the street, cause you know they can't afford to eat excessively.
BUT PLEASE DONT GET ME WRONG, I love eating out with friends--when it's like that, money is not an issue most-of-the-time. And maybe one day I'll have money falling out of my coinslot eyes to be able to appreciate food on a level that transcends my price vs. worth mentality. New York was fun, and I didn't hesitate much let it rain at times cause hey, how many times will I be in New York again? I'll never know.
Secondly, rooming with Danear and Deeke for the last 8 days has caused me to have a lot of life-observing conversations. I thought a LOT during my stay in New York. About secret things of course. But what can I say? it's good to be home again.

So I got hella issues, and I can't stand em.
and like a center,
a sliding door, or a broken cup,
I can't handle.

Where it started

2008-01-14T19:49:00.000-08:00

So I decided that since I have internet, I might as well write something.
Pictures will come when I get home.
Lately I've been really hesitant with making decisions. It's because if there is anything I can take from my years and years of experience (yeah, so many!~!), it's that I always think I know what I'm doing, and in hindsight I always realize how blind/wrong/naive (whatever you wanna put in there) I was. Realizing this, I don't want to do much really. I can't change anything too drastic and I'm thinking things over (and over and over again)--maybe unnecessarily. [And it's all in my head? lol].
I am cautious of my views and opinions and even more so on how I express them (because I'm usually always pushing an agenda), how I will handle relationships with girls and friends and family alike, and everything.

...and you were expecting me to say something about new york.

Hi-TeK

510444****

2008-01-08T03:08:00.000-08:00

Hi, sorry I missed you but I'm on vacation right now.
I'll be in New Yawk until the 18th. Thanks~!
If you need to contact me, good luck!
Don't try to rob my house cause my family is still there.
Please leave un mensaje after the beep.

*beep*!

Not Going Back

2008-01-07T00:06:00.000-08:00

Man, The Cool slapz so hard, I don't even know. It made me go back and give Food and Liquor another run through and now I like it even mo'. Then I got my hands on mixtapes, and read a little mo' about it, and now I'm on the bandwagon. Dayum.
Anyways, I think I've had such a relaxing break, it has seriously been a break from life. Unlike other breaks, I haven't been working at my mom's store, and I just been staying home. On top of that, recent inclement weather, the fact that Dave Sim works now, and all my friends being gone (etc etc) results in me staying home doing absolutely nothing and getting a real good look at my life.
I feel refreshed. I think I'll take another lap. - He Got Game
With that said, with that life lived, I can't really go back to school... eventually, but not now. I have too much responsibility waiting for me there, I feel like I will just crumble under the pressure. I have to double up on science courses because of my lax schedule thus far, work (to get dat paper), have to commit more time and effort into my internship and it goes and goes ... and goes. (The standard English "go").
Anyways, today was the first Sunday of the year, and so it was my parent's first Sunday back at KFBC. It's been a roller-coaster of a break for me because I was pretty ambivalent trying to decide what I'm supposed to do about church and the church situation. I LOVE KFBC, my heart is there; my sister doesn't understand why I as a non-member of the church spend more time there than I do at KCPC/with KCPC. I realize that in doing this, it's pretty detrimental for both congregations, but I really can't help it. I'm not going to say I'm tied down to one church, but I have to stay with KCPC. My college ministry is there, my responsibilities are there; I can't turn my back to that. I also realize that I'm a pretty bad role-model. I came to realize how incapable I am of doing much, let alone lead. If I were to move to a substantially smaller church, as an older member my character would then be highlighted. If I were responsible for "mini-erics" I'd feel really guilty (and at the same time I think it would be hilarious).
Allow me to elaborate: over the winter retreat, I abetting in Petes calling Dave Lee a faggot. This is hilarious *(if you know both individuals involved), but it is TERRIBLE (for the very same reason). I really don't want to go back to such a small church unless I know for sure that I am going to be a good influence. Afterall, a house divided cannot stand.

"Break my heart for what breaks Yours." Beautiful song.

Nas

Hey Ma

2008-01-05T00:25:00.000-08:00

I been growing me a winter beard.

It's funny cause girls are pretty adverse to facial hair--but then again, what would I know right? The opinions of my mom, my sister, and maybe
2 other friends don't really represent the whole female demographic. Anyways, it's pretty funny because like in those cultures that grow beards
(I would just say "like the middle easterns," but I dont' wanna be ignorant nor do I want to be "politically incorrect"). Eh... Like the Middle Easterns, having facial hair gets respect. I wonder if it will gain me clout now. When I speak, will people listen... Probably not. Children, maybe. Me, definitely!

This is my with my cousin. He's Big-Beard, so that makes me Mini-Beard (for now). Oh yeah, that's my uncle in the middle.

I leave for New York soon. I'm not too sure what I am going to do besides the planned festivities.

CAM'RON.

Family First.

2008-01-03T17:34:00.000-08:00

Great anticipation leads to some variety of disappointment; yea, hype kills.
Inability to accept consequences shows lack of faith.
Questioning the means to which those consequences were brought about, well that might be a different story.
But if there is a divine plan, then why is there regret? Then why does questioning even matter?

Get your facks straight, lessen the hate. Let's mate, mayte.

-pee in your eye.